Week 1 as an NQT

My word, what an emotional rollercoaster this week was. And it’s only been 3½ teaching days! I’ve now met all my classes and I can see why this year is going to be a challenge. I have come home many evenings and cried, but I actually had a good day on Thursday! Perhaps it was because I had two Year 12 classes. I think my downfall is behaviour management. Take Friday’s lessons, for instance – they were nothing short of shambolic. Thank goodness I wasn’t being observed. It killed me when one boy said to me, “Miss, I didn’t learn anything that lesson.” I mean, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. KS3 practicals really do fill me with dread – thirty uncontrollable 13-year-olds is a nightmare. I demo activities, collection of equipment is fine – and then it goes wrong. I’m trying so hard to pinpoint what it is so that I can rectify it. I think I just get in a fluster because I anticipate it going wrong.

But it’s not just practicals. I had my GCSE Applied Science group on Friday as well and it was only a “textbook” lesson. It was disastrous. I was crying on the shoulders of both deputy heads of department by the end of the day. I think I’ve realised that the lessons that go wrong are the ones I’m not confident with even before I’ve walked into the classroom – if I have no faith in the lesson, there is no lesson basically. If there’s the slightest doubt in my head about the lesson, it seems to go wrong. So that means it’s back to PGCE-style lesson planning for me.

I’m being observed by SLT in the next week or so and I really don’t feel ready. I have no confidence in myself whatsoever. I think I was more confident as a trainee. I still don’t feel ready to take on classes of my own. Is that normal for an NQT?…

The year ahead

It’s now the end of the summer holidays and the new school year is just about to begin. Many friends have commented about how the “Back to School” signs in the shops have made them reminisce about the excitement of buying a new pencil case from WH Smith and the dread of going to buy new black leather school shoes (patent T-bars from Clarks, no doubt) but I’ve had a different feeling to them all. Yes, I’m disappointed the holidays have come to an end – but I am so excited!

I’ve wanted to be a teacher since I was about seven years old because I thought it would be a good way to get lots of presents. (Parents of primary school children are so lovely!) But as I progressed through my education, I realised just how much of a positive impact teachers can have on people – and I wanted to make that impact. I consciously started to edge my path towards teaching when I was about 17 and deciding on university courses. So, after six years in the making, I finally am a real teacher. I got my Qualified Teacher Status (QTS) certificate from the General Teaching Council (GTC) last week and I was literally jumping for joy!

I went into school at the end of last week to start preparing my lab. I have a new-found respect for teachers – I didn’t realise how difficult it is to put backing paper up onto display boards! And it’s filthy – I’ll clean before our INSET sessions at the end of the week.

But the pupils start in earnest next Tuesday and yes, I’m as nervous as hell. I feel like I’ve forgotten everything  I ever learnt on my PGCE, but I’m sure I’m not the first NQT to feel that was, and I certainly won’t be the last. But I’m so excited – I finally get to make that impact on someone’s life…

Back to school soon!

Many months ago, towards the end of my second teaching practice, I vowed to get my paperwork in order during the summer holidays. My study (which I’m so glad I have!) resembled a bombsite – it got the the point where I had to relocate to the dining room because I couldn’t even see my desk! Gone were the days of inviting people over – the dining table housed my laptop and printer and was strewn with lesson plans. But the first two weeks of the holidays were spent religiously tidying and sorting. All the paperwork I doubted I’ll need was thrown into a big box marked “PGCE stuff” and was (loving) placed in the attic, all my paper resources were filed by both subject (i.e. Biology, Chemistry and Physics) and Key Stage and my laptop and printer finally moved back home. I had indeed forgotten my study has a desk in it!

Now that I have well and truly finished my teacher training, I can safely say it was the toughest year of my life so far. I thought my Master’s was difficult – it didn’t compare to a PGCE! I honestly didn’t find the assignments the difficult part, nor the fact I didn’t see friends during the week. The way I thought about it was that I didn’t go out after school when I was a pupil, so it wasn’t much different – socialising was left until the weekend. Planning lessons was a chore but it wasn’t too painful. What made my PGCE difficult was the relentless bullying I faced at School 2. In hindsight, I honestly think that’s what it was. I think they didn’t like the fact that I was going to leave. I was the only person under 40 in the department as well, which didn’t help me. But what got to me was the constant “We don’t agree with the PGCE – the only way to train is training on the job” attitude. I mean, why sign up to be a link school if you don’t agree with the programme? When I started at School 1 my managing mentor said to all the PGCE students: “The departments you’re in really want you – we haven’t just done this for the money because we don’t actually get that much!” I didn’t realise the significance of her words until I started at School 2.

But things have brightened up since I started at Penguin High. The department’s younger, more relaxed and open to new ideas. Its science specialism is great as well because it makes you feel important. And Science departments should feel important! I really feel like I’m part of something great there and I’m so glad to be part of the team. I know my NQT year will be tough and I’ll face even more challenges (although I think the jury’s out as to whether the NQT year is tougher than the PGCE year) but I’m ready for it – bring it on!

P.S. I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank my ever-supportive parents, family and boyfriend for the love and advice over the last year – I simply couldn’t have done it without them. Back in 2007 when I was applying for the PGCE, a friend who had just started it told my boyfriend he’d only see me at weekends. I felt bad about this but he said he didn’t mind as he was so proud of me for following my dream. That’s the kind of guy he is.

School’s out for summer!

So, there goes the end of the 2008/09 academic year. And what a year it’s been. Since September 2008 I’ve graduated, started and finished my PGCE and started my first ever full-time job. And I’m loving it! I’ll be the first to admit it’s been really tough, especially my time at School 2, but I’m looking forward to the challenge.

The last week of term at Penguin High included many trips, including one to London Zoo and one to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I have experienced yet again the joys of taking pupils on public transport, walking for more than five minutes and deciding which Happy Meal to get. However, I am still sceptical about the educational value of school trips. But the teachers I was with told me these trips were purely “rewards trips” so I wasn’t too fussed about what they learnt!

I am still worried about settling in to the Science department at Penguin High, though. Starting there early (i.e. before September) has meant that I have met the person I am ultimately there to replace. And what a character he is. On the plus side, there’ll now be a female in the Physics department (something which is rare in most London schools) but I can see why some members of the department have not warmed to me. The guy I’m replacing had been at Penguin High for seven years and was the life and soul of the department. He was also the best friend of the person who’s going to be my mentor from September. This is going to be tough…

Grey clouds in the sky

Today I had what could be classed as my first “bad” day at Penguin High. I had to teach a Year 7 class about classification, a lesson I had planned thoroughly. I had a lvoely snazzy interactive whiteboard activity, differentiated worksheets and lots of assessment for learning (AfL) opportunities. Shame the computer in the lab didn’t work and the class teacher didn’t warn me about the pupils! They were a nightmare, and I will hold my hands up and say I did not handle the sitaution well. I was just so overwhelmed by their misbehaviour. They were constantly talking and throwing things but I seemed more concerned with the fact I couldn’t get my lesson activity up! I felt so ashamed of myself, but the NQT’s told me they’d had bad lessons too and it was a fact of life. I have a feeling things may work out at Penguin High – let’s hope so!

My first week in full-time employment!

So I’ve completed a week at Penguin High, I can’t believe I’m actually employed! I know this is only the start but I’m really looking forward to it. Laura has been really helpful and has worked with another teacher to devise an observation/team-teaching timetable for me until the end of term. I’m really grateful as it means I’ll get the chance to see what the pupils are like and how teachers actually teach at Penguin High.

What I’ve learnt this week is that it’s going to be so different being an NQT than a trainee. As a trainee, I had to make sure each lesson was exactly how the class teacher thought it should be taught – now I get to be myself more. The teachers I have observed have such good relationships with the pupils and I’m hoping that in time, I’ll be the same. I’ve also realised that not all lessons have to be whizz-bang – there’s just not enough time to plan 20 hours of lessons a week like that.

I’m teaching AS Physics next year which I’m really excited about. I know it’ll take up a lot of my time planning the lessons and practising the practicals, but it’ll be worth it. What I’m finding daunting is the intellect of the other two Physics teachers, who not only have more experience than me but are both physicists as well. And here’s little me, an NQT with a Master’s degree in Chemistry!

I taught one lesson last week with Laura acting as the support teacher. It went OK – not brilliantly, but at least I differentiated and assessed the pupils’ learning! And I confiscated a pupil’s mp3 player as well, much to the delight of the rest of the department! This week I’m teaching a little more – bring it on!

The first day of the rest of my career

So, tomorrow marks my first day at Penguin High. I’m finally a teacher – I have a contract that says “Teacher of Science”! I’m going to be working full-time now, which is very daunting. This is the first time I’ve ever been anywhere, done anything, without knowing when I’m leaving – that’s scary. I’m really scared but I’m really excited at the same time. My Head of Department, Laura, has said that there’ll be “observations” in my first week – I didn’t think to ask if that meant I was observing teachers or if they were observing me! I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

What I’m looking forward to is being able to be the teacher I want to be, or at least closer to that than I could before. As a PGCE student, I had to teach they way the usual class teacher thought I should teach, whether or not I agreed with it. But now I get to be myself a little more. Unfortunately I’m not going to be a form tutor next year but at least I’ll get to settle in a bit more.

So, whilst I’m not a student teacher and not quite an NQT, I start full-time employment tomorrow. Induction and assessment may not begin until September, but judgements and reputation-building start tomorrow. Wish me luck!

The light at the end of the tunnel… is the oncoming train!

So that’s it, the end of my PGCE. I can’t quite believe it’s all over. And, as much as I have hated the last nine months, I loved it too. Yes, it’s been tough – but hopefully it’s been worth the pain. I left with a tear in my eye this afternoon: it seems bizarre that I’ll never see my tutors again as they’ve been my lifeline over the course – I regard them a lot like how I regarded my teachers in Sixth Form. But funnily enough, I’m not sure if I’ve made any friends. Yes, it’s been nice seeing people on the course when we’ve been at university so that we can have a moan about things, but I doubt I’ve made any lifelong friendships. Still, we all survived!

Tomorrow I am going to the Association of Science Education (ASE) South East Area Science & CPD Conference being held at the University of Surrey in Guildford. I figured that it was only £30 (because I’m a student) and I have the day off, so I might as well. I’m attending all sorts of sessions on things that I’m interested in, rather than things I should be interested in, so hopefully I’ll enjoy it!

And next weeks starts the biggest change in my life – full time work. I start at Penguin High as an NQT on Monday and I can’t quite believe I’ve been given my wings and been forced to fly! Part of my thinks that I’ve been pushed before I’m ready but I know it’s just nerves. As we were told today: this is the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. This is just the end of my training. And now I’m about to start the real thing.

They think it’s all over… it is now!

Firstly I must apologise for not making a new post for what seems like an eternity! I’ve been very busy at university and I’ve actually seen my friends recently!

Finishing at School 2 was a rather joyful occasion. I was so excited on my last day! They didn’t seem to fussed that I was leaving – even my mentor didn’t realise it was my last day. But I went out and celebrated with my non-teacher friends in the evening. I really feel I owe so much to them. They’ve put up with not seeing me for ages and have been very supportive through Facebook. And I’ve always known I can call them for a chat or a cry! Crying is something I did a lot at School 2. Whether it was because of the pupils or the teachers I’m not sure.

We’ve done a lot of work on Learning Outside the Classroom at university recently. This could be because it’s a key research area for some of our tutors! But it also provided a bit of relaxation time for us trainees. I say relaxation, but it’s been mighty stressful – I didn’t realise how draining it is to not only plan activities but also to supervise pupils for five hours straight. We were asked at the end of each day how we felt – “shattered” was the general concensus! During teaching practice we felt emotional drained – this was physically draining.

We spent three days at Royal Botanical Gardens, Kew and three days at the Natural History Museum. One day was for orientation/familiarisation, one day was for planning and the final day was with pupils. The pupils we had at Kew were ones we’d never met before and the ones at Natural History Museum were ones from School 1 – it was lovely to see them and David! It reminded me of how good I had it before, before I became cynical and lost all confidence in myself. I’ve always doubted the educational value of school trips – when I was at school, I just liked the shop! But now I’ve realised that the “educational value” only applies when you’re applying for permission or funding – it really is important that pupils see you outside the classroom and that they can have fun once in a while!

I must admit that I think I enjoyed Kew much more than the pupils did! The last time I went to Kew Gardens was when I was in Year 7 – nearly eleven years ago! And I thought it was boring – plants were boring. To me, plants were green, some had flowers. Only by studying some plants at Kew in depth have I realised just how incredible some of them are – how they’ve adapted to their different enviroments is amazing. And some are just beautiful. I hope I never revert back to thinking: “Plants are green, some have flowers.” I hope I always see them for the awesome things they are.

I start at Penguin High in a few weeks’ time and I’m really nervous. I’m just worried that School 2 anihilated my teaching ability and I’m going to sink. I’m also worried that I’ll get a reputation as a bad teacher before I “really” start in September. I suppose the key is to be harsh now and ease off later if necessary.

So although on paper I haven’t finished my teacher training, the hard work is over. I can’t believe I survived. The last four months have been the hardest of my life, much harder than when I was doing my Master’s! One of my friends is thinking about doing teacher training and I don’t want him too because I love him too much and don’t want him to go through the hell I’ve been through. And I’ve heard that the NWT year is harder. Wish me luck!

The end is in sight!

I can’t believe my teaching practice is over, I’m so relieved. I feel I should fill you in at this point. You may know that I haven’t had the best of experiences at School 2. At times, the staff have been very unsuportive (it is not useful nor constructive to tell a trainee teacher “You’re going to fail, why do you want to be a teacher?”) and the pupils have been uncontrolable. I’ve been off school on more than one occasion with panic attacks and a general feeling of death. But now there’s only a few days to go and I’m so excited! The end is near!

I’ve been trying to figure out how I’ve developed as a teacher and as a human being in the last few months. And I can safely say I’ve been worn to the bone. I used to be a fairly confident person, now I barely talk to anyone. I hate School 2 for making me lose all faith in myself. I’m trying so hard to cling on to the good feelings I had in School 1 but it’s difficult. It’s so upsetting to think I’ve actually regressed as a teacher.

I’m trying hard to claw myself back and teach at least a few good lessons at School 2. I really can’t remember any and I’ve been there for 50 school days!!

We can do this, guys. I’m so sorry these posts haven’t been very frequent but, as anyone who’s been through teacher training knows, all you want to do is sleep!